You Know You're A PCV In Ukraine When...

Every once in a while a Peace Corps Volunteer puts together a fun list of “You Know You’re A PCV In Ukraine When…” This adjusted list came from Kristen Hartman, a fabulous RPCV from my group. She lived in the west and in a village, and I live in the east and in a city, so we have a very different perspective. However, so many things are the same. Several other PCV’s added to the list and I added some of my own.

Enjoy the read…

1. you realize time is relative, schedules are flexible, and nothing happens on time.
2. 4 hour bus rides and 15 hour train rides don’t seem that bad.
3. you’ve begun to think rhinestones, synthetic fabrics, and denim on denim is stylish.
4. you have a collection of ‘nice’ plastic bags.
5. Crystal Light and Starbucks Via packets are gold and used as trading tokens between PCV’s.
6. you always carry toilet paper with you. Always.
7. you own six coats, one for every sub-season, including one for negative Fahrenheit temperatures.
8. there are two seasons in Ukraine, summer and winter, and you switch out your wardrobe to adjust.
9. you are excited for October 15^th, because the city will turn on the heat.
10. you leave your windows open when it is 5F outside because your apartment is warm and you have no control over the heat.
11. when the police show up at your door insisting you are living illegally in Ukraine you call Papa Sergei and after he has a short conversation in fast and loud Russian, they leave.
12. you feel personally offended when people say ‘THE Ukraine’.
13. your counterpart tells you she’s leaving work early to plant potatoes. and it’s considered a legitimate reason.
14. you’ve been dying to find one of those ‘say me yes’ shirts at the bazaar.
15. when anything bad/downright weird happens you say you’ve been “Ukraine’d”.
16. you find yourself craving a good bowl of borscht.
17. you understand that Iryna is a gold mine of information in the PC office for all things PC related.
18. you’ve eaten (or at least been forced to try) meat jello and pig fat.
19. you hesitate before sitting on concrete and cold surfaces because you fear being yelled at for freezing your ovaries.
20. sitting at the corner of a table is taboo and will leave you marriage-less.
21. applying vodka to any ailment starts to seem logical.
22. you start to think Toyotas and fords are really, really fancy cars.
23. you also start to think anyone driving an actually fancy car must work for the mafia.
24. you stare at foreign tourists as much as the local people do.
25. you’ve never looked so forward to canned fruit as you do in the winter time.
26. the second question strangers often ask is about your relationship status.
27. you have to sit in a specific way at a specific place in your house if you want to get cell phone service.
28. you distinguish between your Peace Corps family, your American family, and your Ukrainian home-stay family.
29. you no longer realize you’re using foreign words when speaking english and say things like ‘davai!’ ‘bez’ ‘dingy’ ‘buterbrod’ ‘seriouzno?’ ‘vokzal’ ‘mahazine’ to your friends back home.
30. you start using the phrase “the states” and “when i attended university…”
31. you are no longer shocked at how crowded the local transportation is.
32. you know that if someone at site says ‘yes’ it means definitely not, ‘maybe’ means no, and ‘no’ means no.
33. you get stuck in a train for 15 hours in 98 degree heat and no one is willing to open the windows for fear of catching a cold.
34. the women ask you if you are married and have kids, the men ask you if you like Ukrainian men, and both ask you how you enjoyed the winter.
35. you stay in a rented apartment in Kyiv with a washing machine and your first thought is “I wish I had brought more dirty laundry!!”
36. you have forgotten what customer service is.
37. you ask your PCV friends (when visiting for the first time) if there’s anything special you need to know about their toilet/bathtub/sink or any other plumbing appliance.
38. you know where to find peanut butter and ginger ale in Kyiv.
39. you have become 100% internet based and stream or download all movies, music and tv shows.
40. you chat with your friends through the window in your bathroom when they come to visit.
41. someone has to have at least 6 or 7 visible gold teeth before you notice them.
42. you know that the best BBQ place is in Lviv, the best fried chicken is in Odessa, and there is no place for really great Mexican food.
43. you wish your walls had carpeting so that your room wouldn’t be so cold before the heat comes on.
44. straight men wear fluorescent mesh and tiny speedos.
45. you have “train” clothes, “train” slippers, a “train” mug and travel with a “train” picnic.
46. you have become a cultural ambassador for races, religions, and other groups that you do not belong to.
47. you know all of the vegetables harvest seasons and monitor the prices of tomatoes, daily.
48. if you see someone with dirty shoes you immediately start to judge their personality.
49. you pack a picnic when riding a train.
50. you have two phones with two different sim cards. or if you are really cool and have a duel sim card phone.
51. you have a system for classifying all of the Natasha’s, Sasha’s, Dima’s, and Jenya’s in your contact list.
52. you answer your phone with, “Allo?”
53. you can open sunflower seed shells using your fingers, like a champ.
54. you feel safer when there is an 85-year-old woman around.
55. trash piles on fire don’t phase you.
56. you never leave the house without polishing your shoes.
57. you’ve learned that the word ‘preservative’ is not meant to be used when talking about food.